I'm such a Mom!

Well, I’d say it’s been a good while since my mind ran on the keyboard! A lot has happened and a lot needs to be vented. First update, I had my baby on Oct. 4th at 4:04 pm, Aiden James 19 in. and 6.75 lbs, light skin, hazel eyes nose like mommy’s, eyes & chin like daddy’s; so adorable, in love with his being, a smile that lights up the room & makes your eyes water. Second update, I dyed my hair reddish brown, looks damn good. Third update, and the most important, I finally realized how much I need God in my life 24/7, I say, one step in life that is very serious & made clear to myself by a series of events that I just don’t want happening over & over.

But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God. Psalm 40:16-17.

Need to say, I need God in my life, without him I feel anxiety, I feel the need to rebel, my anger overrules my mind, I get flooded with worries, & I start acting before thinking things through. So God proved to me over and over that it is He that needs to be 1st before any thought of mine. If not, I feel like my friends are the only ones that can lift me up, I start thinking of what life could’ve been if I had listen, but He directs me to his path; its not too late! I start to think that I love the way I am when in reality it’s just the fact that I don’t care what others think. So God knows that I’m trying my best to stick with Him, and for those who one day will call me a hypocrite for messing up or doing the opposite of what God says, just know that even though I mess up and it may always not seem right of what I’m doing I’m always on his side, I’m not going to run and hide because I feel bad or shame for what I’ve done but I’m going to get up again and still stand by His side. As long as I know His word and don’t stop believing in Him, everything should be alright. I know what He wants from me, my attention; I know what He needs from me, my soul. I need to get rid of my agenda and get on His schedule, I need to stop pleasing others and focus on what He says.
Besides God on my side I got a little angel that He blessed me with, Aiden. I love him; he makes me feel special and like someone actually needs me. There’s nothing better than being a mom it’s more than a treasure, it’s more than my life. I just pray to God that He helps me in raising him according to His ways.
Aiden’s getting big fast he smiles a lot and he’s calm, he loves to talk and watch TV, I guess you can say that’s one step I need to watch out for. I miss my baby even when he’s asleep. I’d say with all this that’s going on with my life I know my purpose in life is to follow what God has for me, challenges are up ahead but one thing I know how to do best, is be a mom. As it is when I was pregnant I saw people in a different perspective and I separated myself from that I started realizing that some people don’t understand what they are suppose to be doing and just settle for their own reasoning and it makes me think different of them. Most would call it judgmental but I just knew what was right from wrong and I started speaking my mind, it’s not hating but I guess in my way, I was just being revealed to a different life. Now I’m more reserved and I think twice. But in the case of alcohol, I cant think straight, my ways are like those of quick feet, my anger is set ready, my past constantly comes across me and I freak out, as if I never forgave no one, I become aggressive if one thing is not in place, I just know that its not for me in the environment I don’t belong. My comfort is at home and that’s where I belong with Aiden and whoever wants to be part of it! Alcohol is okay when you talk about sips, but when it’s chugged, that’s not for me. I’m not just a lady anymore I’m a mother & I love it!